"The ax forgets but the tree remembers forever"

Christy has requested that I talk about my birth stories and explain about my C-section and VBAC and why I wanted to have one so badly. This is pretty long so if you don't want to read it all I will not be insulted.

The emotional toll of an unplanned c-section is very hard to deal with and I haven't discussed it with many people. Anytime I hear a story about a person having to have a c-section I am so sad about what was taken from them and me. I feel that most cesareans are unnecessary and could have been prevented if the right precautions were taken by the mother and the doctor. After Chase was delivered from me I was depressed for quite a while and had a hard time coming out of it. Thankfully I was able to lean on God and draw strength from His Word. Praise the Lord that He heals our wounds.

When I became pregnant with Chase, Ricky and I were so excited. I knew I wanted to have a natural childbirth but that's about all I knew. I didn't do any research about where to go or the different options available to me for the birth. I picked a hospital that had 9 midwives on staff because Ricky wanted me to go to a hospital and I thought it would be good to go somewhere with midwives. Every time I went to one of my appointments I saw someone different. I read the book What to Expect When You're Expecting (I think everyone reads that one) and Ricky and I took a birthing class that was offered by the hospital. I always skipped over the parts where they talked about c-sections or inductions or epidurals. "That won't happen to me. Why would that happen to me?" I did not watch what I ate and I was not very active during that pregnancy. I'm sorry to say I had gained 50 pounds by my "due date". I feel like the weight and my inactivity both contributed to my not going into labor. Notice the double chin?

I was 10 days overdue when they decided that I should be induced. I felt like I just wanted to be done with the whole pregnancy and was impatient so I agreed to the induction. I did not realize that most inductions fail and they automatically double your risk of having to have a c-section. They probably explained this to me but again I thought, "that won't happen to me". Did you know that one in four women who go to a hospital to birth end up having a cesarean?

I ended up making it though 36 hours of hard labor before I got an epidural. I remember just sitting in the chair watching the monitor go up and down with my contractions, ready to hurt the nurse if she turned up the pitocin one more time. After I succumbed to an epidural it was still another 12 hours before I was able to start pushing. I did not feel the urge to push but did because I was being told to. I pushed for 3 hours. The doctor came in and told me that I was not progressing any further and needed to have a cesarean. I burst into tears and she said she would give us some time to think about it. It still makes me tear up thinking about it now. I called my mom and cried to her on the phone. I knew deep down that I was not going to be able to push him out. I was so exhausted. They took me into the operating room after an hour wait and it was so cold. I was shaking so bad Ricky was trying to hold my head still. The operation was over in 3 minutes and they were holding Chase up and telling me it was a boy.

They wheeled me into recovery and I was in there by myself for at least two hours. I was so thirsty and wasn't allowed any water to drink. I was just laying there wondering why I was all alone and crying. They finally took me into a post-partum room where Ricky was sleeping and brought Chase in about an hour later. That was the first time I was able to hold him, 3 hours after he was delivered. "who is this baby? are you sure it's mine? what am I supposed to do with him?"

The recovery in the hospital was very difficult. I was in a lot of pain and also trying to learn how to nurse and take care of a baby. I felt guilty for sending Chase to the nursery all the time but I was not able to care for him myself. We ended up being in the hospital a whole week with the induction and recovery from surgery. The emotional recovery was definitely the hardest. I don't think I felt bonded to him for at least 4-5 months afterwards. I just didn't really feel anything towards him. I felt like I did something wrong. I felt cheated.

Even before I became pregnant again I knew I did not want to go through another c-section. At my 6-week post op. appointment my Dr. told me that she would not do more than 2-3 cesareans on one person and that if I wanted to try for a VBAC I needed to wait 2 years in between deliveries and if I didn't she would automatically do another c-section. I nursed Chase till he was 16 months and I was able to stave off my period (I don't use birth control). Praise the Lord Chase and Joanna are two years and one week apart!

When I became pregnant with Joanna I decided I didn't feel comfortable going back to the same care provider so I started doing research and calling different offices and asking lots of questions. This time was going to be different, I was determined. I had been praying even before I got pregnant that I would be able to deliver naturally and not have to be limited by another cesarean. I finally found the Reading Women's Birth and Wellness Center which had 2 midwives on staff. I liked both of the midwives very much but they informed me that from now on I will have to birth in a hospital because of all the laws and regulations inflicted on them. I was extremely nervous about going to a hospital again. I felt like if I did, the same thing would happen as last time. My midwives were so supportive and encouraging. They told me that 75% of VBAC attempts are successful and that they would be with me the whole time to help me though it. You can re-read my birth story for Joanna if you want but I think most of you have already. I was so thankful that God allowed my labor to be fast and that I wasn't in the hospital for that long. I was also VERY thankful that I didn't have to be induced. I don't think it would have gone so smoothly if I had been.

There are so many reasons why I wanted to have a VBAC. A cesarean is so much more dangerous especially the more you have. The mortality rate is significantly increased for both the mother and baby with a cesarean. It is so much healthier for both baby and mother to have a vaginal delivery (natural or not) than to be ripped from the womb. If you are a woman who is of childbearing age I would urge you to research, research, research. Don't think that it can't happen to you because it can. One in four are not good odds. Some hospitals are even worse than that. It's sad, but some hospitals have a ban on VBACs. A c-section is much more dangerous than a VBAC. An invaluable resource for me has been the International Cesarean Awareness Network website. They have so many more reasons why VBAC's are good. Also I read a book called Birth after Cesarean:the medical facts and the Silent Knife. All of these are good resources even if you haven't had a c-section.

I am so thankful that God answered my prayers and I was able to have a normal delivery. I can't describe the joy I felt when they put Joanna to me and let me be with her right after I had delivered her.

You really need people around you who are going to be supportive of you too. I didn't think I could do it but my midwife and Ricky kept encouraging me and telling me I could. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with 2 children. Even though their birth stories are very different I think that they happened for a reason. They are both great kids and I am thankful to have both of them happy and healthy.